Last Christmas was one of the best and worst of my life. I had just completed the most brutal semester of my college career. I was physically exhausted, emotionally spent, and devastated financially.
To make matters worse, I didn't have much to offer my boys that Christmas morning and I was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and failure. Don't get me wrong, thanks to the love and support of fantastic family and friends my boys were not forgotten, and I'm keenly aware and incredibly grateful for the countless blessings in our lives. But this was a time of unknown transition, and the ugly truth was that I felt like I was failing my boys.
As we sat around the tree that Christmas morning, I felt the anxiety lift for a moment as peace and gratitude settled into my heart.
And then Parker said it . . . a single sentence that changed everything. "I just realized that next Christmas will be my last Christmas at home". And just like that, the anxiety returned as moments from Parker's life flashed through my mind.
When my boys were little, I remember wanting to speed time up. I couldn't wait until they were out of diapers, over Barney, or sleeping through the night. Nothing drastic, just the lofty dreams of a young mother. And then, in what seemed like the blink of an eye, my babies turned into teenagers and I felt our current circumstances were robbing us of the little time we had left together.
Parker's "casual" statement last Christmas morning became a stark reminder that our time was limited. Since then, I have determined that I will make every moment count. I will let go of my fears, savor our time, and act rather than be acted upon.
At last, Parker, Tyler, and I are enjoying a long overdue vacation in Kauai. We're having amazing experiences that I never dreamed of having. And the best part is . . . we're having them together!